a smile ends all sadness...??

Mental breakdown.. again... I need sometime off.. but how can i??
When something big happens, it always involve me ,haha, i dont know if its luck... or misfortunes.... They say a smile breaks all curse , a smile turns that frown upside down... I smiled... but i dont think it work... i am still sad, still crying... still trying to be strong.. I swear i am trying my best not to be soft not to be weak.. with what had happened to me before, i try to be tough, let others shed tears while i hug them telling them its okay, and i myself will simply just go to the back room and shed some, not in front of people ( i shed tears in front before, and the reaction was not good ) ... When u cry there are a few types of people : those that truly cares, they are there telling u everything is al rite ( good people ) , : there are those who laugh in side and say serves her rite ( bad people ) : there are also people who just shut up and look at you kindly letting you cry until you are tired ( understanding people ) : of course there are people who makes things worse by saying worse thing or by giving you a not so patient look and say that you are nuts ( evil people )..

I want neither from the 4... I just want to be alone... and maybe maybe tell to the people that i care bout, what is bugging me... but sometimes the people that i care bout are the people that are making me shed tears... Who do i talk to now???