tears for the missing one

i am sorry to start my blog with a sad post.. T.T sorry! but i still feel its the best way to release my thoughts.

Today ( 26 June 2011) i went to Alor Star with my family ( mom and Bro) to visit my grandfather, who passed away 3 years ago. I thought i have stopped everything, stopped to missing, stopped to think bout a person who has left us all.. A worthy man, a man i would look up too..

As i was chanting just now, the words of Buddha my tears were coming out.. I did not cry but i held them back fear that my grandma can't take it. I think that maybe KL did change me, i became weaker emotionally and that's the truth. Suddenly alot of things happened and all i can do was just sit and stare i could not do much.

When i came back i realise i missed home so freaking much, i realized i still missed him, i still miss my dear grandpapa. The man who taught me how to eat, how to sit, how to act and what not to do.

Today i prayed for him, and today i feel at least i can do something for him, may he rest in peace.

i don't know what title

a long this week, i feel though lots of things had happened, not only to me but everyone around me, maybe its a curse, well i don't know i am not sure.

I don't feel like talking, i don't feel like doing anything at all, just tired, laughing and smiling is what i keep on doing, kept on doing coz its te only thing i know to do now. crying was never an option, why i m just freaking tired i guess.. no worries guys, i pick my self up pretty nice :D i channel all my energies to do what i love to do in the end. :D

i did a video, an assignment actually, and the best thing of it was that an appraisal by my own lecturer , that really made me feel happy and proud. but i know i can not stop there, i am working harder! i phoned my best friend yesterday and she just started matrix, she was so devastated, and when i was talking i felt so sad, she was all alone there with nobody i was always the one looking after her, but i guess she needs to learn to grow up :D

i dun noe, i dun understand, i am kadflkjaljfdlkajdlfjaklfdja ya i am crazy..