i really hate this...

Love? what the hell is that? now in the 21th century, it seems to be nothing.... when i was younger i admit i was naive, hoping for Prince charming to appear infront of me and help me put on that pretty glass slipper ... but now, now i really dislike really really dislike this word.. i really hate it to the extend that i am willing to kill.... It is giving me a big headache...

I am a very emotional person, i am pretty sure alot of people will agree... I get angry , sad happy , annoying very easily... i get pissed off really easily now as stress is building up , SPM is near pressure from everybody... Parents want a scholarship from me.. Tension tension... During this period i really just don't want to talk to anybody at least just sometimes... I needed time to rest... blogging is one way... Then a problem arises... that is capable of making a 17 year old girl hate the word love.. High school sweethearts are all so so ..... Not to kutuk my frens, some are really sweet i admit, like ehem ehem... hehehe... but some ? just dang awful... I feel irritated with it... I admit its non of my business... and i would never dream of butting in, but it is they who keep poking me, and i get irritated... I am really angry lately... the more i think the angier i get... but i am seriously trying hard...

Something happened this week , having connection to this topic, but it aint gud to blog it now, next time la... I found out long time ago that i really don't want to be one of those hight school sweethearts, i don't want to spend my only high school time looking at that same boring faces... I found out i have out grown my " dream " of having a sweetheart.. All i want was to do what i really want to do.,... My real dream, my real hope was to be successful, that feeling , that thirst for winning, that that thing... its so powerful that it covered all of the nonsense high school girls dream bout, giddy girls want... Some body may say I love you , but to me that is so not love, its not like i totally understand what it is, i just now that iits not it... I am not an anti of love, i admit that everybody has her mr right, the knight in shining armours... i believe that , but i don't believe that now..
Now i believe in success, In hope, in faith, in hardwork, in everything i do is right.. In power, in everything that is good... when i think of boys saying i love you, girls saying i want to be loved, i want a bf, i feel annoyed i feel like shaking her and scream what is wrong with u.. when boys say that, i feel like vomitting.. but when i think that one day i might b this, i might b that, i feel energize , happy and motivated..

so stop it, stop being needy, stop being desperate, i can't butt in ur life like that... but to me i will just look away, i would say nothing... becoz i noe how it felt to b desperate, u feel and look terrible, i hated desperate, i hated needy, i hated when i am that no lie, that's y i would just look away.. so please understand.. please have dignity .