dang.. The worst day.. hate org miang..

ok , so this is what happened.. x guna punya orang.. some of u may say that i am not open minded.. i agree and i am old fashion, girl boy should not hav too many touchings... but this is too ...
i did a QTI... for u who were as blur as i was... what the hell was a QTi, it was a pretest thing... something to determine if u can take the test or not... so i was waiting for like an hour for my turn.. I was already like OMG i hate waiting... I shud have brought my dang sejarah files.. anyways.. there was an indian teacher sleeping behind me, and no he is not the guy.. he has a really big belly.. and this malay teacher came in and was like what is he doing , so he went and poke his big belly and asked : " oi, ank ni mai ajar ke mai tido?" hahaha... that was not the main point...
After a long hour, this teacher came in , and i was like : NO NONONONONONONONO!!!! no way in hell , i am not going to b judge by that guy!!! i guess i wasn't heard, unlucky me i got him, tengok muka dia pun tau dia miang .... geramnya aku... he was one of my ceramah conductor for the first time i went to learn driving.. he memang miang!!! we went into his car and i start the engin.. and i did the procedure and everything, he said : p buat parking and naik bukit.. i was like : ya.. den when doing parking time, that guy don't let me do my way, the way my teacher taught.. and his dang gear was so damn stiff , he went and grab my hand along with the dang gear... #$%^&* It wasn;t just once, miang fella... OMG i felt like slapping that @#$%^&* den i did another kind of parking... how dare that #$%^^&* guy tap my left thigh... stupid #$%^&* so damn angry at him by den.. After that we went for naik bukit.. i think that i did well, anyways the hand break was also stiff.. even my teacher never did that.. the @#$%^&^&* grab my hand along with the break..... stupid @#$%^^** i was determine to kill us both later when doing the jalan thing.. he asked me to stop at the side so he could talk to his fren, i was screaming in my head, and cursing that gatal punya orang... so damn pissed at him... i was planning to really kill him later when i drive out of the institute... after that he ask to go out of the institute... den out of no where he took sumting from the back and box, and that @#$%^&*&* asked me stupid questions...
stupid : yang ni ada apple juice ke ?
me : (looked) x tau.
stupid : rasanya ada kut ... sini tulis ada..
me : i tak tau la.. x pernah beli .
Stupid : hm, ada apple juice la..
i was really angry tat he asked me that stupid irreleven question...
he ask to stop at the side and we never went far from the institute, just out side its gate, the we U turn..
stupid : memandu senang ke susah ?
me : senang je
Stupid : betoi ke? mengapa u berpeluh ?
he really an idiot who ask u to look at me ... gila la!!!!
me : panas
stupid : mengapa panas ?
me : matahari
Stupid : x besa kena matahari ?
me : ya
Stupid : you kerja ke masih belajar ...
me: belajar..
Stupid : oo, form 5 la... sekolah?
me : ibrahim..
stupid : budak pandai la tu..
then he ask to go to the office... i swear i did really well except for that parking that he did not let me do by my self.. he was doing my stereng all along that time, how the hell was i suppose to drive.. he said i memalukan JPJ multiple times, i was never told like that by anybody b4, he really made me wanna cry.. den he saw my teacher.,.. guess wat that idiot said..
Stupid : terrible la... x boleh pass....
i was like T.T...

i really hate this...

Love? what the hell is that? now in the 21th century, it seems to be nothing.... when i was younger i admit i was naive, hoping for Prince charming to appear infront of me and help me put on that pretty glass slipper ... but now, now i really dislike really really dislike this word.. i really hate it to the extend that i am willing to kill.... It is giving me a big headache...

I am a very emotional person, i am pretty sure alot of people will agree... I get angry , sad happy , annoying very easily... i get pissed off really easily now as stress is building up , SPM is near pressure from everybody... Parents want a scholarship from me.. Tension tension... During this period i really just don't want to talk to anybody at least just sometimes... I needed time to rest... blogging is one way... Then a problem arises... that is capable of making a 17 year old girl hate the word love.. High school sweethearts are all so so ..... Not to kutuk my frens, some are really sweet i admit, like ehem ehem... hehehe... but some ? just dang awful... I feel irritated with it... I admit its non of my business... and i would never dream of butting in, but it is they who keep poking me, and i get irritated... I am really angry lately... the more i think the angier i get... but i am seriously trying hard...

Something happened this week , having connection to this topic, but it aint gud to blog it now, next time la... I found out long time ago that i really don't want to be one of those hight school sweethearts, i don't want to spend my only high school time looking at that same boring faces... I found out i have out grown my " dream " of having a sweetheart.. All i want was to do what i really want to do.,... My real dream, my real hope was to be successful, that feeling , that thirst for winning, that that thing... its so powerful that it covered all of the nonsense high school girls dream bout, giddy girls want... Some body may say I love you , but to me that is so not love, its not like i totally understand what it is, i just now that iits not it... I am not an anti of love, i admit that everybody has her mr right, the knight in shining armours... i believe that , but i don't believe that now..
Now i believe in success, In hope, in faith, in hardwork, in everything i do is right.. In power, in everything that is good... when i think of boys saying i love you, girls saying i want to be loved, i want a bf, i feel annoyed i feel like shaking her and scream what is wrong with u.. when boys say that, i feel like vomitting.. but when i think that one day i might b this, i might b that, i feel energize , happy and motivated..

so stop it, stop being needy, stop being desperate, i can't butt in ur life like that... but to me i will just look away, i would say nothing... becoz i noe how it felt to b desperate, u feel and look terrible, i hated desperate, i hated needy, i hated when i am that no lie, that's y i would just look away.. so please understand.. please have dignity .

dear leverne...

haha, this is for my dear fren leverne ong.. thank you for that award i appreciate it very very much.. but sadly i m not a gud IT whiz, i dun noe how to tag people into my blog and i'll learn it as soon as possible, but for now this blog will have to do.. thank you very very much, it means a lot



xxxx
Joyce

i miss my drama shoots...hahaha

( nothing but rubbish to spend my friday mornings)

She has lots of friends, all those rich people, of high society....

she herself was loaded... her dad own a few hotels and was in the top ten richest men list. she and her friend always tease the poor...
she never cared for the poor, never given a cent to the beggars on the street.. then one day, she bump with a guy who happens to walk pass her, hahah, and she was in love, but wait he was hotel's handyman.. T>T
but nonetheless, she started dating that handyman of his father...


they like spending time together..

they like to spend their time trying on hand sanitisers.. coz he is a handy man and need to clean his hands... (=.=)

apart from that, they did what the girl likes to do, oddly was admiring shoes.. =.=lll

but her rich , superficial frens don't approve .. they say he got no class...

she got influence by her frens and decided to break up...

they were all tensed up and was thinking long and hard, secretly the girl din want a break up..

the girl held on and said : forget what i said, let's not break ..

the guy said : i m sorry, what is done is done, after one hurt, even the pain is not there, the scar is still a mark... they broke up and walked separate ways...

In the end her father's business was slow and they bankrupted, and she was wandering on the streets and alone, thinking that life is to materialistic, and her so called frens just abandoned her... and she was lonely... T.T

( this are all gibberish , nothing is true... just a story i put together.. ) hahha

a confession of an actress of 2009

i am not close with my drama team in 2009, compared to 2008.. i don't know why.. in 2009 they are of the same batch except for ikhwan..but i like ikhwan and some others.. my teammates and i ( some ) not all have no chemistry with me... i sometimes didn't felt like going for practices... it was like a burden... we b!t$h bout each other like everyday, if my fellow teammates see this, i am sorry i am just stating the truth of my past ( lolx)... but i really loved one thing, even if we dun like one another, when we stepped up and enters the stage, we start to do our parts.. we start acting, literally.. enough of the bad past... what i really love was when i started acting.. when i read out my lines, when i did what i am suppose to do, when i have to shout, when i have to cry.. when i have to be nice, every moment of it, i loved it.. i loved when i was on stage i loved when i was watched, i was when people came and said wow that was so touching. i really loved that part, i loved when i can act something and people approve.. Drama is not just an activity for me to get a cert for college, not just an excuse for me to get out of class, its not even some things for fun..

to me being on stage, when thousands of eyes looked my way, the adrenaline, the sweat , the frightened heart, the nervous face , that moment that feeling, was the greatest.. and when i start speaking start doing some kind of hand gesture, start acting, all those fear, the nervous-ness, all just dissappeared... that feeling was the greatest..

Acting is not a hobby to me now, its what i want to become, and what i hope to be... but to others its just a fantasy that i can not have, can i have it ?

CNY CELEBRATION ..

ok skip skip the reunions... chu4, wednesday -PARTAY!!!!

when to cat's house at 3 sumting... alot of people where there... it was great... we had fun and omg i so my old fren angie... miss her so...

yup alot came... and i really dun noe how much her mummy had to withdraw money from the bank, just to pack our ang paus...hahaha ...

oo, u see that deck of cards, yup, they were gambling... and gambled a little HERE.. the party ain't over yet...hehe

wad? its the holidays we cam whore too... and believe me when i say we have more than dis...heheb4 leaving her house , she sang some songs for us...

sweet girl + sweet songs + sweet voice = sweet

after cat's house , i went to PRofessor Toh's house... my old math / add maths teacher...hhehe/... to collect more reds... or u can say greens...

then its off to another party... this party sad to say : i gambled.... T.T i noe i am so ashamed...

same people , diff party... we walk , they walked, i rode a car...hehe... neways, the food damn good man...

that a peek... sedap... i miss it now... i wan sumore!!! T.T

see my happy face?

ok so? i was on a winning streak, but in the end, no win no lose ...hehehe... the confession of a seasonal gambler....hohohoh....

EVERYBODY HAPPY CNY!!!!

I am no super woman, i get frustrated too, remember tat..

arh!!!! this post is random.. just don't feel really great or pleasant really.. i found my self letting go of things that i want but is it really bad? i always tell myself that let it go, something better will show up.. but when will i actually now that thing will show up? will i continue to let that go too? but i noe that is not for me to think...

what am i a doll? something for u guys to take care? ya, u heard me right ! GUYS!!!! what are u? why do i have to answer to u? i noe i noe, u are concern , i noe i noe, u are worried, but can't i just be me for once? can't i have my mood swinging around when ever i want? can't i be happy for a sec and angry after that? why must i stay like a quiet doll who answer to ur everything? we are u forcing me to be somebody i am not... I am stronger than all of u compared, ya i admit when a bug flies over here, i'll scream, when i see injuries , i feel sad , when i hear death i'll cry.. but trust me, i am more than what i seem... Stop what u are doing... when i say no, i mean no... i am not those girls who say no and secretly wants it... and wants this this that that boy to buy for her.... If i want it , i damn it will buy it... no need for anyone to ask do u want it? ...i am frustrated... damn frustrated... i don't need your money... i have money and i'll take that money out....
please when i don't wanna talk , dun make me talk...
when i don;t wanna laugh, dun make me laugh..
when all i wan was to sit there and eat ice cream all day, dun say that i am gonna be fat...
when i break down and cry, don't worry, i'll cry in the toiet alone, it won't concern u....
when i face a problem, let me handle it alone, don't annoy me with it...
when i am frustrated, just let me continue to fruste...
all i want was to just be me, let me relax... let me chill... i don't wanna hear your voices saying don't worry, nothing's gonna happen, for heaven sakes, u don't noe that... let me do the consoling my self...

thank you for listening....